When I was pregnant with my first born, I recall scouring the internet for the best pram, the best nursery décor and what to pack in my baby bag. When I found my version of the perfect baby item's I spent thousands of dollars on acquiring them. A beautiful nappy bag, a beautiful nursery, a rocking chair, all the "essentials" and by 36 weeks I felt "ready".
Throughout my pregnancy I attended the hospital birth preparation classes which taught us not to have any interventions. But I remember thinking to myself this does not apply to me, I am a nurse and an educator. I am informed, I will have a normal birth because I wont have any interventions and I have an excellent pain threshold, end of story.
At 6pm on the evening of the 25th of February 2015, at 40 plus 9 days I was induced. In the hours following, I laid in my hospital ward bed, writhing in pain as my contractions started, my mind filled with overwhelming fear and regret. By 10pm the pain was so much worse then I expected, I had no plan to cope except not to have any drugs. My midwife was busy and not the type for emotional support. She offered me drug after drug and suggested I take a shower, I was so desperate for relief that I accepted it all, so I sat in the shower on a chair, drowsy, vomiting, screaming for more pain relief.
By 6am I had an epidural which only covered the left side of my body, as I continued to react to all the drugs Id taken, I vomited almost constantly throughout my labour. By 2pm that day after many hours of pushing my baby was born by vacuum. My baby had been in distress for many hours and I'd declined the reccomended caesarean section. I'd been cut and then tore severely, my baby needed help breathing at birth and I was losing blood rapidly. After what seemed like almost 24hours of labour I was so exhausted I couldn't hold my baby. The following months were some of the toughest of my life, the sense of failure, overwhelm, pain and sleep deprivation were so much more intense than Id imagined.
Id spent thousands of dollars on item's and hundreds of hours researching these item's but when it came down to the actual act of birth and caring for a baby I had no idea. Now I have no regrets about the choices I made as they have shaped me into the mother I am today but if I could go back in time these are the top three changes I would have made to my birth preparation;
Communicating my core values to my partner so that he could have advocated for me when I had lost sight myself.
Investing the money I spent on matching nursery décor on holistic birth guidance so that I had tools to take with me into my birth.
Investing the time I spent searching for baby items on mentally preparing for birth.
These three small changes I believe would have been pivotal from flipping my experience from traumatic to an unexpectant path that I was able to navigate with support from my team and the ultimate birth tools "my mind and evidenced based birth education".
If my birth story sounds a little to similar to your first birth story or your current birth preparation, please don't hesitate to reach out. 3 years after my first birth, I achieved my version of a powerful, positive experience and I want to help you work towards this too.
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